My birthday has always been a big deal for my parents. When I was younger, my parents would throw multiple parties during my birthday - one for the neighbors, one for the Bengali club friends, one for my friends. My mother would spend all day prepping and cooking a feast. On my eighth birthday, she burned her hand while cooking for my birthday party. She quickly applied toothpaste on it (it didn’t help, the toothpaste caused an infection) and continued cooking. We found out that hot burning oil had spilled on her arm, only after the party was over and everyone had left. The scar on her left forearm is from then, it never fully healed. On my eleventh birthday, my mother fell and had multiple fractures on her right wrist. She missed a step and slipped because she was preoccupied with my birthday planning. I spent that birthday in the hospital’s emergency room while my mother was hooked onto pain killers.
When I moved to Delhi for college, my mother would fly down every year on my birthday and we’d have a small celebration with our dilliwale neighbors - she would cook a feast, decorate the house and make a big deal.
Sometimes I would stay back in hostel even when my mum was in Delhi. She would patiently wait for me in the flat. She didn’t mind that I wanted to spend my birthday partying with my friends. She’d say, "just spend an hour with me, that’s all." I don’t even talk to those “friends” now. I don’t think they even cared that it was my birthday, for them it was just an excuse to get drunk and party.
My dad extended his stay in NYC so that my parents could spend my birthday with me. He was always in charge of the cake. He would order an expensive and tasty cake few days before, and on the day of the birthday he would say “I’m going to get the cake, it’s the best the bakery makes, you’re going to love it.”
For my parents, my birthday is a big deal because it’s the day they became parents - the happiest day of their lives, they say. For me, my birthday is a reminder that I have the greatest parents in the world (I’m biased, though).
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My college roommates and I had our birthdays one after the other. It was quite exciting. We would plan a midnight surprise, and decorate the room with balloons, picture cards, fairy lights and streamers. We would get cake and gifts and the whole hostel would assemble in our room at midnight. Our phones would have friends and family video-calling to join in the revelry.
My roommates and I weren’t very close, but we found a way to make each others’ birthdays special. It was our way of bonding and in some ways, it did bring us closer. I cherish those KCH birthday traditions.
Hostel can feel alienating - away from family, on your own. But I never felt lonely or homesick in hostel. It was like this great community of women who supported, uplifted and celebrated each other.
I remember this one birthday in hostel when the mess had all my favorites - pav bhaji for breakfast, khattal sabzi for lunch and biryani for dinner. Mess bhaiya obviously didn’t know that it was my birthday. But the serendipity of it made so stupidly happy!
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Birthdays make me anxious and filled with existential dread. It’s like New Year’s Eve - there’s too much pressure to have fun! And like New Year Eve’s, there’s reminiscing and reflecting on the previous year’s accomplishments and disappointments, successes and failures, mistakes and miracles.
This year, I didn’t feel like celebrating or even acknowledging my birthday. This year has been rough and challenging, to look back and reflect would just make me sad. Being stuck at home for the past six months, while my post-grad/summer/life plans have been upended, has been tough. It’s been hard for me to watch everyone else be high-achieving, while I’m struggling to stay alive.
hashtag mood:
I know I shouldn’t compare my "behind-the-scenes" to other people’s "highlight reel" because life is not a video game- there is no rush to level up, collect points, get ahead. But my Indian school education, where everyone is ranked and constantly competed is deeply ingrained in my functioning. Now I spend my days trying very hard to unlearn this way of thinking and being.
To not acknowledge this birthday, however, would also mean ignoring all the good things that happened - i discovered BTS, i finished my Master’s, i completed two years living in NYC, i finished reading 30 books, i worked with UNICEF, i started this newsletter, i began learning French and most importantly, i’m surrounded by so much love (from family and friends and my partner). Maybe these accomplishments aren’t that great or don’t have much monetary value, but they are mine and they make me happy. I hit rock bottom this year and I learnt to dissociate my self-worth from achievements and accolades. I have no clue what direction my life is going, and I’m okay with that. I haven’t met any of my targets this year, but I think maybe we should stop keeping track of personal KPIs. I have come a long way, and that’s worth celebrating.
Birthdays are a milestone, and what are milestones if not moments to recognize change and growth.
Virgo season is here and according to Cosmo, "Virgo season is the time of year to take any incomplete projects, assess whether they're still worth your time, and either cut your losses or finish them up."
It's your season, Virgo, and you’re soaking up the spotlight. Think about what matters to you—is it your relationship? Your job? Your family? A hobby? Whatever it may be, you can focus on your goals and make major moves towards bringing your dreams to life. You’re expressing yourself easily now, coming off as more charismatic, and feeling more “seen” by others around you. There’s way more “good” astro-weather than there is “bad” this Virgo season, so live it up! Happy birthday!
Thank you for reading my newsletter, thank you for being loving, supportive friends and thank you for making me feel special!
Gifts from The Internet
India is now the world’s fastest growing Covid outbreak. My father’s brother passed away this weekend from Covid, it was sudden and unexpected. He was was immunocompromised and had been taking all the precautions. He stepped outside just once to go to the bank. It makes me so upset and angry when I watch people travel and party and not wear a mask and pretend like this pandemic is over because they are bored at home. The apathy is heartbreaking.
Some other pandemic related stuff I’ve been reading:
Mukesh ji is on a shopping spree to expand Reliance Retail’s dominant status. So far he’s acquired Zivame (the online lingerie store), Milk Basket (milk delivery service), Urban Ladder (the online furniture store), Netmeds (e-pharmacy) and now he’s also acquired Future Group (the ones who own Big Bazaar and Foodhall). Gotto say, our desi boy is giving Bezos a good fight!
Elon Musk’s Neuralink inserted a computer chip in a pig’s brain. The whole thing has me feeling squeamish and apprehensive, I’m not a big fan of human-computer interaction. This is apparently going to be ground-breaking for the treatment of Alzheimer’s, dementia, etc.
This video by The School Of Life has been an enlightening (and comforting) watch during my current phase of “Oh my god am I ever going to amount to anything?”
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Thanks for reading!